Lateley I came to know someone and we seemed to be one the same wavelenght right away. Even though I do enjoy situations like this one, I am always a little cautious when they happen. My experience tells me that people that I had a rocky start with turn out to be wonderful friends. Maybe because we need to grow on each other, I don’t know. At the same time: if I experience some kind of fireworks with a formerly unknown person, it often turns out to be no more than that. As far as I know there’s an old saying that goes: be careful of the first person to talk to you on a boat trip. He’ll be the biggest bore on board. I don’t know if it’s a reality or just my experience-tinged narrow perception but it does happen that way.
Like with Philipp. When we met we seemed to be hitting it of right away. But rather soon I grew tired of his jokes. Not just because I wasn’t able to mention because they seemed to be designed to keep you down – after lifting you up first. And sure enough, after a while they became downright insulting. He aimed at what he assumed to be my weak spots. Like that fact that I do not possess a body fit for modelling. At the same time he would come up be all apologetic and say something along the lines of ‚ooooh, I’m just jesting, you know?‘
It’s a classic macho way to treat women and stay in controll, did you know? Actually, in How I Met your Mother’s ‚Unfinished‘ (6×03) it’s the underlying plot. Have a look at it. It’s funny. Barney uses his womanizing tactics on Ted trying to get him to build a building. Those tactics are: building a woman up, singling her out, only to put her down in order to lower her self-esteem so she’ll be an easier target. For whatever. In that example the goal is sex. But that’s not the only reason men do that. Sometimes they just want to make sure no one comes too close to them. Sometimes they just don’t know better. Whatever the reason: When men do that to you, just turn your back and let them be. They will try to convince you it’s just some kind of jesting and you’re being a spoil sport. But really it’s just a way to keep in controll.
My ex-boyfriend used to say: you might be farting in jest, it still stinks! So when you smell the stink it’s time to go, whatever that may mean. Maybe you’re working together, then you cannot just leave and why would you? But you can find a way to keep your distance. Whatever you do, don’t back down! And don’t argue. Because a person who treats you like that simply has no respect for you. No exceptions! And he won’t change.
When you meet with such a ‚Philipp‘ you have an actuall chance to chose your own self-respect again. So this goes out to every ‚Philipp‘ I have met and might encounter in the future: Maybe I actually am not perfect – who would have thought such a thing??? – but here’s the deal, and pay close attention:
I love and respect myself.
I actually love every aspect of myself, even the ‚faulty‘ ones.
Because they are part of me, too.
And if you don’t think it necessary to treat me with respect
there is absolutely no space in my private life for you.
It took me a while but I managed to actually get here and there is now way I am going back. And I hope that there are many many women out there keeping true to that maxim. Because whoever you are, girl, you are wonderful in your very own way and don’t you forget it!