I have never considered myself to be naive. Well, something new every day. Turns out, I really am. I believe in the good in people and that people are driven by finding win-win-solutions to problems. I might be right many times, but in the immediate past, I must have been very wrong.
Also, I know that I have a very introvert streak to my personality. There are people who would deny that flat, but it’s true. But I never considered myself to be oppressed. Turns out, at least during the past 10 months, I was.
I never thought that I was a fearful person. Well, for the most part of 2016 – and even now – I was/am.
Our lives are the results of what we’re focussed on. Man, was my focus wrong! It got me into professional relationships that left me deeply hurt, de-valued and very, very small. I pulled back, looking for some kind of shelter, and got bruised even worse at one point, allowing others to triumph over me – if nothing else. In the end I actually, literally broke down. I really didn’t think that was possible any more. I am actually surprised and shocked, by how far I have allowed my fears to carry me, right into some kind of personal hell, down to the dreaded d-word. I cannot believe it, sometimes, that it actually happened.
I have no idea how things will progress in the nearer future, but here it is: I.Am.Done. I am done kissing asses because I am afraid to not make it, whatever ‚it‘ means, without their proprietors. I am done being intimidated by people who believe to have some kind of power over me. I am done being bullied by misguided people who consider it their right to talk down to people just because they’re afraid to become obsolete. I am done with swallowing everything. I am done being weighed against money by people who have no idea of my worth. I am done letting people spread lies and actually care about them. And I am done holding my tongue, which is why I am writing this post. I.Am.So.Done. And I thank the person who finally fuelled my rage. For months I was swallowed by sadness and fears, emotions that leave us desperate and heavy, who block our energy. But rage is a motor, as I have learned a long time ago, and I will use mine to change some things pronto!
And if you guys like, you may kick me if I seem to forget that. On that note I’d like to thank my real, actual, true friends. I love that we can speak openly, always with the other person’s best in mind, not some hidden agenda of our own. I love you for that!