that effing d-word – antidote

I am no stranger to various forms of depression. I think I started out rather early in my not-so-simple youth. Between the ages of 14 and 21 I suffered from chronical headaches that overcame about three to four times a week and could only be dealt with by sleeping. When I was about 16 sleep became my remedy for what I couldn’t cope with any more. I remember that I actually used to go home from school for even about 30 minutes sleep. Between the ages of 16 to 18, looking back, I was constantly tired. Knowing what I know today that was a serious symptome. I went to university when I was 20. I had my one and only attempt at suicide when I was 21.

I had been asking for help before that over and over. But it wasn’t until then that I got it. The social worker in the hospital made sure that I was admitted to a psychosomatic clinic. To this day I am deeply grateful for that because that was when I started to understand myself. The time after that I read a lot and fount A LOT of help in books others love to make fun of. But they actually help, so please never ever mock someone who uses them. That is deeply hurtfull, just saying. At the end of my studies, when it was time to chose a topic for my thesis, I had started to realize that I had two sections of books. The first was the Art History Section, the subject I was studying. The second was the Psychology Section, scientific and popular, about the same size in volume. There was one significant point of difference. The Art History Section was really interesting, especially since I had over time found out that I loved everything that explained to me the people of the past. Art History, to this day, for me is most of all some kind of psychography of the past. That’s what I love about it. But the Psychology Section I had actually read. Every book, cover to cover. And used. That’s how I realized Psychology needed to be some kind of central topic in my life and that’s how I came to write my thesis about the role of psychology in the cultural sector.

After that I started an education as a psychological alternative healer (Heilpraktiker Psychotherapie). I even took the exam. The rather difficult multiple choice I came out with not a single mistake. I didn’t make it through the second, oral exam – because I was not prepared for not-psychological questions (such as First Aid and stuff). Since two of the question where of such a nations it didn’t matter that I had no problem with the last. I took it as a sign to do what I wanted to do and booked the training as a transformational therapist at Robert Betz’s. It was one of the most important years of my life. I also learned hypnosis and meditation. 2011 – 2013 was the most healing episode of my life. And then I realized I needed something more down to earth so I chose to enter the Human Trust and it did me a lot of good.

Now, the title of this post promises some kind of antidote. So why do I tell you all this? Because the thing is: I know depression in theory and practially. I know it from different point of views and I have learned one thing: There is an antidote to depression and it is gratefulness. Which is a lot to ask from someone suffering from depression, so it sounds small and not very helpful, I know. I’ve been there. Just recently, actually. But it is true. Knowing that but not finding my way there I decided to start at the beginning. What caused this bout of depression? My focus on existantial fears. So I did what I wanted to do all along. I started the new course that got launched one the Human Trust platform last year. It focuses on material wealth. My friend and I had been waiting for the right moment to start it together and when I went into my sick leave, that was the right time. And do you know where it got me? Right back to my blog. And more on that later!

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