Well, you know me. I love photos. And I love photography. And I am soooo happy that this blog made me realize that. So that’s awesome. However, there is some new information that came to light. An insight of sorts. And it’s this. Against everything I – well – hoped, photography is not my calling.
It took me some time to say it out loud. Hell, to admit it in silence only to myself. Because I really thought it was part of my calling. Last week, however, I started a new vision board. On it I pinned different areas of my life, what I like to do. Such as photography. I did it to, once again, again and again, and certainly not for the last time, to get a yet deeper feeling for what I really want to focus on. As you might know, I chose to take a year to ultimately do that: find the one thing I really, really want to focus on and then completely go for it. That takes introspection. And it takes to take risks. And to fail. And everytime I fail I am left with a new insight. Because failure is a very honest thing in life. It leaves you with only two choices and with the immediate knowledge of which path is yours. When you fail you can only a) admit it, realizes you weren’t on the right path and find back to your actual path or b) deeply know that it was indeed your right path and carry on.
I cannot say that I failed in photography. What should I fail on? I am not doing much with it. I have ideas, some I translate into doing, some I don’t. And that’s just it. When I pinned those life areas on my vision board and looked at them, some suddenly revealed a calling. Suddenly I knew what was behind that, what it is that I want to give back to world through that. Like I love hotels and giving people some beautiful memories because this is where my love for mankind actually manifests. Didn’t know that before! There where a lot of nice thing to photography. But no calling. No calling in the sense of what does it give to people? There is a calling that is to myself: making memories, ironically. Because through photography I do things I wouldn’t have done if it hadn’t been for a photo that I wanted to make. Like climbing up Arthur’s Seat in Edinburgh in what felt like the middle of the night just to see – and shoot – a night time view over the city. Or taking a hike in the woods at midnight to try and get a milky way picture. Didn’t work by the way – yet!
Photography is adventure to me. It inspires me to do things I ususally don’t. And it makes me experience things more intensely. I love looking at other people’s pictures and pin them on my ‚my inspiration‘ board on pinterest and try to go out and get a shot at that beautfil scenery myself. Photography is pure inspiration for me. For me. It’s purely for me. I love to show my pictures and I am very happy and gratefull if I get some appreciation for them. But it’s for me. I don’t do anything for anyone else with it. It’s just for me. Also, I lack the energy to try and get every idea I have to turn into an actual picture. Even if I have the time. It’s an ‚I’d-like-to-but-…‘-situation. All of that makes it a hobby. All of that makes it a hobby. A wonderful hobby I don’t want to give up. But it’s a hobby. Not my calling. Not today. It’s not easy to admit, but admitted is must be.