There are still loads of photos from Scotland I haven’t had the time to process and show you. Mainly that’s because of an extremely old, slow computer that simply cannot process that much data in a fast way. Which means that I can manage about one photo a day. The other thing is the fact that things in my life are moving so fast right now.
I don’t know if you people know this from your own lives. I guess quite a few of you do. Especially those ‚on the way‘. ‚On the way‘, the way I use it, means that you maybe have some things in your life that didn’t go too well. Maybe your home wasn’t so warm and cosy. Maybe you got hurt or worse. We all have our crosses to bear. When you’re ‚on the way‘ you’re working on healing your wounds, trying to grow out of them and develop your personality. Those of you who in fact are ‚on this way‘ know that it can take a long time. It can seem like a never ending loop of hurting, realizing, changing and healing. But somehow, somewhen you come to the point of liberation. And even though that was what you have worked for all these years and what you were waiting for, it might come as a surprise.
You might recognize this point by the fact that things simply fall into place – at a quite fast pace. Things just start to work out. One decision opens a whole hallway full of doors and life simply rushes in through them. This is what is happening to me right now. Every step I take leads to new exciting things, after one simple decision.
But this decision took me years to make. I didn’t even know I had to make it, it was so far away… I remember that there had always been talk about how I would have to travel the world before I could settle down. That was before I started to study art history and geography. During my time at university there was never any money to do any kind of traveling. Also I had missed out on my chance to do up to a year abroad – simply because I didn’t think I would still be at school when the exchanges happened. I thought I would have left early and started some job training, instead of going on to university. Money has always been tight. Except for excursions there was only one memorable trip to Stockholm. But nothing more. Somewhere along the road some part of me must have decided, that I would have to stay put and that travel would not be in the cards for me.
After this God forsaken Hell of a year 2016 and the depression that followed well into 2017, I needed to make the decision to take time to FEEL what I want to do with my life from now on. I had just finished an important chapter. The most important of my life, possibly. I was freed of my mother. For the first time ever. But it takes time to process that. And I needed time to find out who and what I am when I am not entangled with her (which is big talk, of course. There will always be entanglements. What I mean is that it feels like the worst is behind me, now). It took me about 4 months of planned unemployment to do that. And I realized one thing: I don’t want to stay at one place for ever. I don’t want to make binding plans that keep me glued in one place. I don’t even want one single job. I want six. Or three. Or one for two months and another for six. I need to move. Whenever I let a vision of my life come to me, the idea of doing different jobs in different parts of the world for a certain amount of time was always iminent. I just thought of it as an unfulfillable dream.
But some time before we left for Scotland, I made that decision. The decision that it’s time for me to wander this world or what I want to see of it. And to do it while working in different jobs or volunteering. With no idea how or when or where. Just the clear knowledge that it has to be done. That there is simply now way around that.
Once this idea had penetrated my soul deep enough, things started to fall into place. Faster and faster. So now I am laying grounds for the wandering years of my life that are now ahead of me. The first, really important step is to move into a house with Siobhan and her daughter. And sinces this usually raises some eyebrows: no, we’re not a couple. Just a couple of friends who decided to join forces to get closer to the vision we have of our lives (I am still very much heterosexual, as is she). We found the house at the very first attempt and all signs point to us signing the contract before the month is out. Which means that we’ll be moving just before Christmas this year. As soon as all that is organised, I’ll find me a job in Scotland. Yeah, you heard me: Scotland. During our time there I have made a few contacts and learned a little about how to best go about it. I have some ideas and I am anxious to see how they turn out. I’ll let you know about that. For now just let me say that big changes have started to come about and these are indeed very exciting times.
to be continued…